


are those real stars that hang in the sky?

by kick_still_kickin



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Injured Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, M/M, Only if you squint - Freeform, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Platonic Relationships, Self-Reflection, Slight Canon Divergence, Whump, klance, up until the end of s2 that is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 21:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18558082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kick_still_kickin/pseuds/kick_still_kickin
Summary: Keith always thought that blood was thicker than water. It takes Voltron, time, and Lance to teach him otherwise.





	are those real stars that hang in the sky?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my 5 am train wreck of a fic that also happens to be the first thing I've ever finished writing. Like, ever. Feel free to point out any spelling/grammar mistakes since my brain's autofill got progressively worse the longer I worked on this. The title is a lyric to Amber Run's Amen, which I listened to on continuous repeat pretty much the entire time. Even though the fic is pretty much only based on the one lyric, not the whole song. Hmu with any questions and enjoy.

Family was never a word Keith felt himself to be very familiar with. There was his father, obviously. But, as a child, he sat back and watched other kids his age flaunt their family so openly. _Family_ was big. It was important. It was a mom and a dad, and grandparents, and cousins, and siblings. It was blood. He could never quite bring himself to take that final leap and acknowledge thing between him and his father. This person he loved. This person he thought he loved, anyway. It was hard to tell sometimes. Keith would answer positively if asked every single time. That didn’t make him any less astute to the fact that his father wasn’t all there. Something had crippled him, settled itself in his chest and wore him down to the bone. A hole.

Keith was far too young and far too calm when he discovered that hole to be fashioned after his mother. Another word that meant very little to him. Because there was no person in is life to offer the title. Mother was a concept even more foreign than family. So he watched his father spiral slowly until his fruitless journey came to an end. Until Keith stood in front of a cheap headstone that boasted a name he never wanted to see again. Until everything caught up to him. Until he snapped.

None of the homes worked out. And even after the appearance of a kind stranger, too wise for his young age and too relatable for his old age. Shiro was a godsend. Or he would have been, anyway, if Keith believed in that kind of thing. The Garrison had finally offered a purpose. He could serve the greater good. He could accomplish something, make something of himself, finally escape all those harsh labels and nonexistent expectations. Except Shiro didn’t work out. Keith didn’t even last a month before the Garrison stopped working out, too.

The very first time Keith felt as if something in his life had happened for a reason, it was that exhilarating _thing_ in his bones as Voltron felled its first opponent. A thing that made his chest heave and his lungs burn and his blood boil. The heat of battle. The realization that maybe he was needed.

Something else happened, too. Something he never asked for and if he’d had a choice, he would have vehemently refused. Somehow, he learned about family all over again. Learned something every time he fought a smile after one of Lance’s ridiculous jokes. Whenever he happened to walk too close to the kitchen and Hunk pulled his arm a little too hard to get him to try some concoction or another. When Pidge didn’t question his near-constant presence in her lab because she understood that people just got to him sometimes. Every hesitant gesture made by Coran and Allura to establish a relationship.

After a long enough time, Keith found that he had been tricked into reciprocating. Sometimes he allowed Lance to see a poorly suppressed smile, because somehow he knew what it meant to the other boy. Sometimes he mentioned that he had nothing to do in Hunk’s presence and pretended to resist being roped into a cooking expedition. Sometimes he left Pidge with a blanket when she fell asleep anywhere that wasn’t a bed, and he decided to ignore those blankets being returned to his quarters sometime within the next few days.

_Family_ was a choice.

Keith realized that one day. Out of the blue, the thought struck him. They were family. Lance, Hunk, Pidge, Allura, Coran, and Shiro were all family. At the very least, they were family as far as he understood the word. It didn’t seem to matter to anyone else that they weren’t the same blood. He wanted to shrug and accept that and move on.

Until Lance had dark circles under his eyes, from nights spent crying over people he didn’t get to see anymore.

Until Hunk had bad days where he couldn’t be around Pidge, because she reminded him too much of other people in his life.

Until Pidge had a fit every once in a while, because things had been building up beneath the surface and they had finally exploded.

 Until Keith realized that he was pulling away from all of it, because he saw what it was. They missed their families. Their blood families. Something Keith didn’t know anything about. Something that had guilt piling in the pit of his stomach, threatening to spill over and drag him down where his father had been.

Guilt because he knew what family was. Knew that there wasn’t any waiting for him back on earth.  Knew that he didn’t have the same things holding him down and holding him back.

 

* * *

 

“I’m pinned down over here!” Lance’s desperate cry came over the comms. There was too much static. Too much panic.

None of the other paladins were close enough to offer any real assistance. Pidge and Hunk were in their lions, flying around outside the cruiser and pulling attention away from internal affairs. Shiro was right on top of Lance’s position, but several floors up and focused on his own role of the mission. Keith was closest, naturally, because the universe had some twisted sense of humor, but he was about to be overwhelmed, too.

“Deal with it,” he grit out as a response.

There was a distinct sound of blasters that wasn’t coming from the shots whizzing right by Keith’s ear. “I am a sniper, Keith, and they are literally on top of me. What am I supposed to do, whack ‘em with my gun?”

The fact that Lance had the time for such a long, snarky response gave them all breathing room. Shiro replied next before Keith had the chance to finish the argument. “I’m on top of you, Lance. Do you see anything that leads to the upper floors?”

 “I see windows, bots-“ Tense, staticky silence. “-vents! I see vents.”

“I see them, too. Can you get up or should I come to you?”

Keith stopped listening. There was no time. As someone who had spent too much quality time in air vents, he knew how unreliable and difficult to navigate they were. Not to mention the unlikelihood that there was a link between levels anywhere near their locations. He jerked back just in time to dodge a blast. If he let his mind wander any more, he wouldn’t make it through his battle, let alone Lance’s. But if he played his cards right, and decided he didn’t care about whether or not he succeeded, pulling away from his part of the plan was perfectly doable. If it meant someone else made it, it was worth it.

“I’m coming to you!” he yelled over the comms, and his voice left no room for argument. Or maybe there was argument, and a lot of it, and he was just that good at tuning it all out. Was it really anything new, anyway?

It didn’t matter in the end. Keith was able to pull away from his sector and offer ground support. Him and Lance fell into their easy partnership that inexplicably existed only on the battlefield. Shiro got the information they came looking for and called them out. The red and blue lions blew a nice hole in the side of the cruise, and Voltron was on it’s way.

The moment they came out of the wormhole, though, the metaphorical hammer came down on Keith. He was still coming off the high and barely out of his lion, when a bloodied, bruised, and out of breath Lance marched up to him and socked him in the arm.

“What the hell was that?” he demanded.

Keith skipped right over going on the defensive. No point. Especially if he was right, and the rest of them just couldn’t see it. “That was me saving your ass.”

“No, that was you pulling some real stupid shit,” Lance argued back. His ocean eyes gleamed wildly in the artificial light of Red’s hangar. Unbidden, Keith’s mind wondered how fast he had to run go catch him here when they had come in at the same time.

“That was me prioritizing.”

“Nope, uh-uh, we’re not doing that,” Lance scoffed. “You’re not falling back on some paper-thin excuse that I know you don’t actually believe.”

Keith tossed his helmet aside and stepped right up to Lance, too close for comfort, because he’d found it to be the only way to get his point across while the other boy remained silent. “You called for help on the comms. I came and I helped. You got a problem with that?”

“You can’t keep intimidating me into dropping the subject,” Lance muttered and, for the first time, he pushed back. He rose to the few inches he had on Keith. “You keep pulling shit like this out in the field. And you keep spewing some bullshit reason about how it was actually within mission parameters. I’m sick of hearing it. So just tell me the real reason right now. I’m a big boy, I can handle it.”

Had Lance always been so observant? Even Shiro, who had known him the longest, had yet to pick up on it. Or maybe he hadn’t said anything because he didn’t have the words. Or the time. Or the energy.

“You want to hear the truth? Voltron needs all of you a hell of a lot more than it needs me!”

Immediately, Lance’s demeanor shifted. Softened. His icy blue gaze melted into something resembling pity.

“I don’t want to hear it, Lance,” Keith snapped before the other boy could say a word. “You’re all fighting for something. You’re all going back to something. I don’t have a clue what that’s like. So just shut up and let me make sure everyone gets back in one piece, because that’s all I can do.”

Lance didn’t say anything at first. His expression looked pained, like he wanted to speak but couldn’t find the words.

“There you are.” Shiro, concerned about their prolonged absence after the mission, had come to check on them. “There’s a briefing in the conference room.”

Keith glared at Lance one final time before shouldering past the taller boy and stalking off down the hall.

“Did something happen?” He could hear Shiro ask, and he wanted to stop. Wanted to hear the reply.

“No. No, just some stupid shit,” Lance muttered, voice fading. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

 

* * *

 

Keith kept his distance after that. Pulled away from his friends. His family. Told himself they weren’t his to claim. Most of all, he avoided Lance. Unless they absolutely had to interact with each other, they didn’t. The first few (disastrous) times their interaction had been forced were a lesson to the team. Give Lance and Keith their space. He wondered how much he needed. If he’d ever get enough of it.

After days had turned into weeks, and weeks into several months, and he still hadn’t figured it out, he gave up. He allowed the tense thing between them to grow. Pretended he didn’t see those lingering looks Lance sent his way. The pity in them. Pretended he didn’t ache for familiar banter, or even petty arguments. Not interacting with Lance had more consequences than he had originally foreseen. And the rest of the team had noticed.

“Is everything alright with you and Lance?” Shiro finally asked, because he was the only person Keith would really talk to anymore.

Shiro had known him for so long. And, of course, he wasn’t blind. Keith saw no point in lying. “No. It’s not.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Keith remembered then what he had told Lance. Realized that he had kept it to himself. Lance, the gossip who could not be trusted with secrets ever, had finally kept one. Did that mean something? Did he want it to mean something?

“Where’s Lance?”

“I don’t know if-“

“I need to talk to him,” Keith insisted.

The look of surprise on Shiro’s face was evident, and he tried not to let it hurt. “Like an adult?” He tried not to let that hurt, either.

“No, I didn’t get enough screaming at him in today,” Keith shot back with biting sarcasm. “Where’s Lance?”

Shiro hesitated a beat longer. “Check the observation deck.”

Keith practically dashed into the hall. There was a burning question in his mind, and he needed the answer now. Even if the only person who could answer was the person he least wanted to see. The observation deck was a little hard to find, since he didn’t often go there. And when he found it, there was an impossible weight in his chest as he reached for the door panel. The burning spurred him onward.

When the door slid open, Keith laid eyes on one of the saddest sights he’d ever seen. Lance, usually so vibrant and full of life, looked half-dead where he sat against the window. A room full of benches and Lance chose to sit on the floor. Classic.

“I don’t want to talk right now, Hunk,” Lance mumbled.

“Tough,” Keith said. “Because I’ve got a question for you.”

Lance shot ramrod straight and half-turned to better see the door. “Keith.”

“Lance.”

There was the slightest quirk of a brow. Maybe the corner of his mouth moved a centimeter. “Ask away.”

It was the least catastrophic interaction they’d shared in months.

“You didn’t tell them.”

“That’s not a question,” Lance pointed out sardonically.

Keith could have strangled him. “Why?”

All the fight faded out of him at once. His shoulders sagged, his head bowed, and his voice was too small. “It doesn’t matter why.”

“Why, Lance?” Keith demanded.

“I’m telling you, it doesn’t matter,” Lance insisted with more bite.

“That’s not good enough. Why?”

Lance shot to his feet, then, and Keith noticed a peculiar sparkle in his eyes when he did. “Because you’re too damn stubborn, that’s why! Because you’ve got it all mixed up in your brain that you aren’t worth anything to the universe or whatever and I can’t say a damn thing to change your mind.”

“You know I’m right,” Keith snapped. And it would have been so much more convincing if his voice hadn’t broken right at the end.

“No, you’re dead fucking wrong, Keith,” Lance went on, warming up to his theme. “But you don’t want to hear a word to the contrary. I’m not about to go spreading this shit around. Look what it did to us!”

“You still haven’t told me why.”

“You know, I’m pretty sure I did.”

“You didn’t.”

“I did.”

They were face to face then, both having taken small steps toward the other until too small of a space stood between them. Until they were inches apart in person, but miles away from each other otherwise.

“No, you didn’t,” Keith said one more time.

Lance gave in. “You want to know why? Because I know you, Keith Kogane, and you act like a wounded animal when people back you into a corner. I wasn’t about to do that do you. Because Shiro would be up your ass about responsibility, and Hunk would get overemotional, and Pidge would try to fix it because she thinks she can fix everything if she treats it like a piece of tech. Because you would look at me like I did that to you, and you’d be right. So I kept it to myself.”

Keith hadn’t been expected much of anything when he confronted Lance. He just knew that there was a burning question and he needed the answer. Now that he had it, he felt a little like it was worse than before.

“You don’t get to do that,” he said at last.

Lance’s face screwed up somewhere between pissed off and confused. “Excuse me?”

“You don’t get come off like some pitying asshole the entire time and suddenly you’re understanding and sympathetic,” Keith continued.

He had more to say. So much more. Because he couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t handle Lance knowing what he knew. Couldn’t handle that soft look in those blue eyes that had been there for a split second. Couldn’t handle someone getting close to the truth but not quite there. Did he want someone to get there?

No, the guilt told him. He didn’t want the team getting anywhere near it. So, instead of saying more, Keith turned on his heel and left. It was easier than he thought it would be after watching so many people do it to him.

 

* * *

 

Voltron had been through bad before. Bad was their pathetic first attempt at battling Zarkon. Bad was getting separated, galaxies away from each other. Bad was fighting Haggar’s newest beast and winning by the slimmest of margins. This? This was worse. Far worse.

This was an ambush, a trap laid by the Galra and team Voltron walked right into it. This was Pidge and Hunk’s signals going dark. This was Shiro vanishing into thin air. This was Lance and Keith getting pinned beneath the rubble of an explosion. It was the worst they had ever faced, and it was something they might not recover from.

Lance coughed as much as he was able with a weight pressing on his lungs. His helmet was gone, disappeared somewhere in the commotion. He wrenched an arm free and turned his flashlight on. The light did almost nothing, there was so much dust swirling around him. But there was just enough light to make out a familiar face. A certain red paladin was dead weight on top of him, eye closed and breath shallow.

“Keith, _dios mio_!” Lance cried. “Keith, wake up. Come on. Open your eyes.”

Nothing happened. As some of the dust settled, Lance could see more of the situation. They were trapped in a small air pocket. It didn’t seem like there were any rocks still settled on top of them, but he noticed something that made him pale. He replayed everything in his head over again, and he couldn’t get the memories out of his head. Keith had yelled his name and knocked him to the ground right before the explosion had gone off.

_Voltron needs all of you a hell of a lot more than it needs me._

The words echo through his mind. “Keith, no. Wake up. Please.”

Keith stirred, lifting his head and letting out a weak cough that looked more painful than it should have been. “Lance,” he wheezed.

“I’m okay,” he assured the red paladin. “More okay than you.”

“Good.”

“No, Keith, not good. It’s gonna be hell trying to dig our way out if you’re injured,” Lance insisted. A wry smile was reply enough. “Nope. You’re not doing that. Get that look off your face right now. Where are you injured? Where does it hurt, Keith?”

Keith shook his head. “No point. Broke some ribs.” He took a shuddering breath. “Probably punctured a lung. Good as dead.”

“Cut that shit out, Keith,” Lance hissed, and he didn’t try to hide the tears in his voice. It didn’t matter that they weren’t getting along. Keith was his family. He couldn’t-

“I’m not.”

Lance froze. “What?”

“I’m not family,” he said. “Your family’s waiting. On earth.”

“Now is not the time for specifics.” Lance reached for Keith’s free hand. “You’re family. I’m not just letting you die.”

Keith let out something that was probably meant to be a laugh. “You need to know.”

“Do I look like a lawyer? No? Then stop trying to read me your last will and testament. We’re both getting out of this. The team-”

“Team’s gone, Lance,” Keith interrupted gently. “They an’t reach us.”

“Don’t you dare say that!”

Keith lowered his head into the crook of Lance’s shoulder. “Please listen. I’m tired.”

“Well, you can’t fall asleep. I’m not a doctor, but I did my research. Grey’s Anatomy taught me never let the patient fall asleep.”

“Are you listening?”

Lance didn’t want to say that he was. Because if he said yes, then all Keith had to do was say his peace and give up. And he wasn’t ready to let go just yet. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m listening.”

“I don’t have family,” Keith managed to say. “Mom left. Dad died. No one’s missing me.” Lance was missing him and he wasn’t even gone. “Space felt right. Fighting felt right. I could go as far as I wanted. No one would miss me.”

“Keith…”

“I felt guilty,” Keith finally admitted. “Guilty for wanting war when none of you had your families because of it. Guilty because I never understood.”

“Keith, I don’t care,” Lance tried to say. “You can come back with me. With Hunk. With Pidge. We’d all do that for you. You have a family. You have us.”

“Not for much longer.”

Fresh tears sprung up. “Don’t talk like that. We’re both gonna make it. We’re gonna do it.”

“Do you think-” Keith cut himself off, then tried again. “Do you think I’ll see my dad?”

“Yeah, Keith,” Lance sobbed. “You’ll see him eventually. It really sucks we’re stuck down here, or else I’d tell you to look up at the stars so you could see him right now.”

Keith smiled into his neck. “Don’t need to. All the stars are in your eyes.”

Lance squeezed his hand so tight it had to hurt. “Aren’t we a pair?”

“You are kind of annoying.”

“You’re kind of way more annoying that I am, buddy,” Lance laughed. Because he was being torn in two. He didn’t want to lose one of his best friends, _a member of his family_. Because Keith just kept getting quieter, talking slower.

“I’m sorry, Lance. I don’t do family that well.”

Something pricked at the edges of Lance’s hearing. He ignored it, in favor of cradling Keith in his arms. “You’d better apologize to the rest of the team, then. They deserve it more than I do.”

“Tell them for me.”

“Not the same. You gotta tell them in person.”

Keith soldiered through a deep breath. “Lance, I…”

“Keith? Keith! Wake up. Please. Don’t leave me like this. Don’t be that asshole. Come on.”

Lance tried shaking him. Poking him. Prodding him. Tried listening to his heartbeat or his breathing. Tried talking some more. And he was so focused on all of it that he couldn’t hear a familiar engine humming somewhere above them. He was still talking to Keith when Pidge unearthed the two of them. He kept talking when Hunk joined them, and loaded Keith into the yellow lion. He held Keith’s hand the entire time and refused to let go. Because if he didn’t let go, Keith wasn’t gone.

 

* * *

 

When they finally regrouped at the Castle, and Coran announced that Keith needed a healing pod right away and would ultimately pull through, Lance cried in relief. Hunk noticed right away and pulled him into a hug. Which turned into a group hug, because they had all survived. Which turned into an awkward separation, because someone important was missing from it.

“I recommend the rest of you get some shut eye,” Coran said gently.

The rest of the team nodded in agreement. Lance stood his ground. “I’m staying here.”

“Lance, my boy, Keith will be fine,” Coran tried to reassure him.

Those words weren’t right. Everything they’d said to each other beneath the rubble played through his head. Keith wouldn’t be fine. Not when he stumbled out of the healing pod, however many days later. No, he would need work. And support. And Lance would have to tell everybody else that, but first he had to be there when Keith woke up.

“I’m staying,” he repeated. “He can’t wake up alone.” He was too used to waking up alone.

Coran looked as if he wanted to protest further, until Shiro put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll set up a cot for you, Lance.”

“And I’ll bring food by for you,” Hunk added.

Pidge and Allura said nothing but stood resolutely and offered their silent support. Lance smiled. “Thanks, guys.”

Lance ended up spending a weak in the infirmary, waiting for that healing pod to hiss open. It woke him up when it finally did. It must have been an odd hour of the morning. There wasn’t food out, and the lights were still dim. It took a minute for him to even notice the pod.

“Keith,” he called out, scrambling to his feet. He managed to catch the other boy just as he swayed out of the pod. “Keith.”

Keith opened his eyes slowly, stunning violet devoid of its usual roughness. “Am I dead?”

“No,” Lance chuckled, “but damn it if you didn’t give it your best.”

“Funny,” he commented as he found his feet. Even after he did, he made no effort to pull away from Lance.

It felt right. All of it. Keith being there, Lance being with him. “Keith-”

“No,” he interrupted gently.

“No?”

Keith stared up at him. “Not now. I have… things to work out first. Things to tell the team. I think…” His face scrunched up as he searched for the words. “I think I need time to myself.”

“Then I’ll be right by your side, because we’re family,” Lance insisted. “And I’ll be waiting.”

That, at least, elicited a smile. “Family,” Keith agreed.

And he didn’t need to say anything else, because Lance could see it all written in the stars in his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Fancy meeting you here. Now that you've finished watching this train wreck happen, let me know how you feel about it. Leave a comment and I'll reply asap. Ciao, klancers.


End file.
